My husband an
d I are hovering around the age of 30. He is 31 and I am 29. Our Grandparents are in their 80′s and one by one they are passing away. It’s been a hard two years.
On February 1st of 2008 my Grandfather, who I was very close with my entire life, passed away. He lived a long life, nearly 90 years, and unfortunately suffered a long death. He was sick for a very long time, probably 2 full years. His mind left far before his body and the entire family felt the effects of his upset. His dementia caused him to make up stories that cast the roles of his beloved family as villains. My cousin Christine and my Grandmother suffered the brunt of it and I felt for them everyday. Day by day, moment by moment he lost more and more of his dignity but his body simply wouldn’t give in to the inevitable. This man, this soldier, was suffering and no one could help him. His situation brought the family to the point where we prayed he would pass on to the other side, because being here on our earth was doing him no favors. that being said on the morning of his death the entire family gathered around his bedside in shock that the day had finally arrived. Of course no one was happy that he passed, only relieved that he finally found peace.
Next was my husband Tim’s Grandma A. Grandma A was that quintessential little old lady. She was kind and gentle and had seen a lot of things in her 80 some odd years. She married young and never worked a day in her life. She was brought up to take care of a family and to have dinner on the table and the kids perfectly put together when her husband arrived home. Tim’s Grandfather A. died before I was in the picture but since his death Grandma A. was a little lost, lonely. She missed him and missed having someone to take care of. One day she had a stroke and a heart attack. She was already so small and frail and she just couldn’t hold up to the toll it had taken on her body. She lived about a week, was able to come home to her daughters house and die in a comfortable setting surrounded by her children. We still haven’t adjusted to losing her.
Almost immediately after that my Grandma had some minor health issue that sent her to the Emergency Room. When she arrived they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her and put her through about one million tests. Some type of medicine they gave her made her completely demented. While there she had a series of small heart attacks. She had to stay in the hospital for at least two weeks. We couldn’t believe that she went in basically healthy and started deteriorating in the actual hospital. It seemed to be one thing after another. For a while there we weren’t sure she was coming out. After they released her into rehab she stayed there for about a month. She is now all better and back at her home chugging along like she always had. My Grandma played a huge part in raising me, my mom and I lived with her for 6 years and I was not ready to lose her. I’m so grateful to the lord for healing her and giving her more time with us because it was not her time to go.
Now Tim’s Grandma S. has suffered a massive stroke. Grandma S. is one of the strongest women I have ever met in my life. She has 3 children. One is mentally handicapped and another, her only son, died when he was about 16 of Cancer on Christmas day after a long heart wrenching fight. No parent should ever outlive their child. Life was never easy for Grandma S. but she is a fighter. We joke that she would never die because she wouldn’t stand for it. But this stroke has hit her hard. It has been a week and she is still paralyzed on one side of her body. The family moved her from the hospital in Venice Beach, FL to my mother in laws home here in Orlando to have hospice help us care for her. I was able to visit her today for the first time since the stroke and she is doing better than expected, but not great. She has a hard time swallowing and has refused a feeding tube. She is getting confused regarding the present and her past. She is bedridden and that is hard on someone like her. The whole time I was there she kept telling me she wanted to get up and walk around. I told her that she was not allowed and she point blank asked, “Who said I wasn’t allowed?” I answered back, “The doctor, and me and that is all you need to hear.” She was angry. I didn’t blame her.
I’m not sure what is going to happen with Grandma S. I’m praying she recovers. Her husband has stayed back in Venice Beach for now, because he has his routine and at his age it is important. He’ll come up later in the week. She had a few coherent moments during our visit and she told me how hard he cried when they drove her away, he was afraid he’d never see her again. I can’t imagine what he is going through but I realize one day our time will come.
It’s a hard time in our lives right now. I’ve been unfortunate enough to see a lot of death recently. I believe dying is probably a bit like dreaming. You are floating in and out of consciousness until finally you don’t even realize you’ve gone. It probably isn’t scary, but it might be surreal. One of my favorite short stories of all time is called The Jilting Of Granny Weatherall and you can find it here. If you have 10 minutes I ask that you read it so you understand my feelings on the issue. I dedicate this to all the Grandparents we love and have had to adjust to losing.
So, my dear Lord, this is my death and I wasn’t even thinking about it. ~ Granny Weatherall
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
That is a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing. Any loss is hard but grandparents especially. My grandma Marie died in 2006. We were especially close. I got my red hair from her (it skips a generation in my family) and my daughter was named after her. I am so sorry for all of your losses. ((HUGS))
I’m so sorry for all of your losses. Two of my grandparents died before I was born – they were only in their 60′s. My grandma Violet died almost 8 years ago, and she is who my daughter is named for. Her husband, my grandpa, died 20 years before her, when I was only 8.
I am sorry for your losses. I have lost all of my grandparents. My Grandma Rose was my best friend and she had Alzheimer’s. I completely understand how your family felt about Your Grandpa because I felt the same way about my Grandma Rose. I used to think that her soul had already gone to heaven and her body was just here. If that makes sense. This post made me cry and I just want to give you a hug. If you need to talk you know a few ways to get a hold of me.
What a beautiful and touching post, Lee. I never met my grandfathers, one died before I was born and the other died when I was 13, and my mother wasn’t a fan of his, so she wouldn’t let me meet him (I’m still bitter about that) I lost my Nanny in 2001. I was the only grandchild and she was my best friend, although, when she passed (suddenly at 65), I knew she’d be happier wherever she ended up, she had lost her leg to blood clots 2 weeks prior, my grandmother was a single mom and VERY hard working, being leg-less would have killed her spirit. My other grandmother is in her 80′s. I keep telling my hubs that we need to go visit her before something happens, she lives across the country from us. Adam lost his grandmother 2 years ago, and it’s still hard for all of us. His grandfather and other grandparents aren’t doing so well either, so it’s really hard to watch.
What a wonderful tribute to your grandparents though, Lee. Lots of love and I’m so sorry for your losses.
Lovely tribute hon. They might be reading your blog in the afterlife.
It’s hard when you’re close to your grandparents. Mine all passed when I was in high school and my early 20′s. My mom’s parents pretty much raised me, and it was like losing my parents. It’s been about 8 and 9 years since they both died, and there are still times I just want to pick up the phone and talk to them about something.
Facing inevitable old age is so difficult. It’s hard to think about it, but my husband and I know that our parents are getting on in years. They are a long way from 90, but still, the thought of losing one of them is so scary. We are still in denial about how old we are getting ourselves though. My husband will be officially considered “middle-aged” in a couple of years and he doesn’t like that one bit.
I hope Grandma S. shows everyone once again how strong she is and makes a speedy recovery.
Thank you for sharing this, and like everyone else, I’m sorry for your losses. My husband and I are right there with you, him losing his maternal Grandfather his senior year of high school, and then ten years later, losing his maternal just a few months ago. My Granddad, who called me his “Little Mouse”, even after I got married, passed away just two months before I became pregnant with the first great-grandchild. A child named after him. Losing people you love is painful, but it is always wonderful to have warm memories to cherish them with. I hope your memories give you and your husband comfort as you deal with your loss, and I hope they will continue to give you comfort when another painful time approaches.
Lee, this was a very touching post for me to read. After losing both my grandparents in my tweens and my Mom when I turned 18 and my father at 33, I can feel the emotion that you are facing. It is frustrating to not have the power to make things all right for our loved ones, but I believe they are always part of our lives. We have their memories and can keep telling their stories but journaling them for future reference is the best way to keep them alive for us and our families.
Hugs to you – chin up and keep shining!
Steph
Sorry for your losts. My Granny NuNu passed away a couple of years ago, she was 85, Love her to pieces.
I can so sympathize & empathize. I was born to young parents-19 & 20- who married out of HS & had me 1 yr later. I therefore had my grandparents well into my 20s..actually knock knock ny grandpa @ 87 is still here but now not in good health. Both of my parents remarried, so I gained more ggs. The hardest has been the loss of my grandmas, one 6 yrs ago, one 12 yrs next mo; they literally helped raise me, & I will never get over losing them, no matter how long I live-God Bless you all during this..He & your Grandparents are with you Always!!!!
This was a nice post. I really greatful that my parents are just in the late 40s and early 50s and hopefully will be around a very long time for my son who is 10 now. They play a really important part in his life.
I never met my dad’s dad as he died before I was born and his step-dad died before I was born as well. All I have are stories and those aren’t many. My dad’s mom died when I was 17 but she was 81. She had 9 kids and lots and lots of grandkids and great grandkids. She was loved by so many people. She had dementia and Alzheimer’s years before she died and this does hurt the entire family.
My mom’s mom died when I was 3 in her 60s of cancer so I have no memory of her at all. She had 8 kids but sadly she died before most of her grandkids had the chance to meet her. My mom’s dad was a deadbeat and although he didn’t die until I was 18 he was never really a grandpa to me and was a really mean person and I didn’t have much contact with him.